It was never your fault
by t3rrorkn1ght
Summary: Kaito and Gakupo become friends due to a misunderstanding. This develops into feelings that to society is morally wrong. Kaito sides with society. Gakupo just wants to live happily by Kaito's side. I realise this may not be a good summary. Edit: double tragedy...
1. Misunderstanding

_Kaito and Gakupo were, in my opinion, the best of friends._

They met in middle school... when Kaito was attacked by Gakupo's best friend, Yuma. Yuma did not like the bluehead because he was friends with his girlfriend, Jocasta. Gakupo saved Kaito by grabbing the pink head.

"Get out of here," Gakupo yelled as he struggled with Yuma.

Kaito dazed, tried to get up, but was struggling against the pain. He managed to make his way to Len who took him to the school nurse. Len decided against leaving him alone. He was afraid Yuma would come back to finish what he started.

After school, Yuma did go but not to hurt Kaito but to apologize. Gakupo followed making sure he wasn't going to cause any more trouble for the bluehead.

"It's okay... I would be jealous too if my girl was with some guy I nearly knew. But don't worry, me and her just ste-get ice cream together. We like the same flavor," he said a bit nervous hoping Len hadn't caught what he was about to admit to them.

"Thanks for understanding... but I wasn't jealous,Jacosta's a good girl," Yuma crossed his arms as he spoke.

"You attacked him," both Len and Gakupo said in an annoyed unison.

Kaito, even though it caused him pain, was laughing at the scene that began to play out.

"That was just because he talked like a jerk."

"Yuma, I don't even think you let him explain."

"Gakupo, I gave him a chance trust me."

"Why don't we just ask him?" Len said, turning to the chuckling blue-head, "Kaito, you shouldn't be laughing..."

"Ow... sorry...but no... Yuma, you didn't let me explain," Kaito grinned, as he finished.

"Why are you smiling?" Len said annoyed.

"Alright, sorry, Kaito... I was a real jerk."

"It's cool...I've actually been in a lot worse," he said in an honest manner.

"What!?" All three turned to him and were know stunned.

"Um...I...I didn't mean it." Kaito felt the nervous sweat begin to trickle.

"You sure about that... you seemed-"

"Yes, Len... so drop it."

"Kaito..."

The school nurse walked into room, surprised to see so many boys in the room.

"None of you have any ailments...right?"

"No... we just came to see how our friend was, Miss Yowane," Gakupo said, happy to see her. Miss Haku Yowane, she could spot a problem with you whether physical or just mental/emotional and would help you out no matter how long it took.

"Gakupo...alright...Kaito, I called your parents... They are very irresponsible aren't they," she asked, walking over to the bluehead and patting his head.

Kaito was silent. He didn't want to answer with the others in the room. It worried the others though.

"Kaito, it's okay... they may not feel like your friends but... they are..." she said in a soft voice.

He looked up at her. She was sincere.

"Yeah but this time..." he trailed off he felt like he was being a burden to them.

"Kaito, it's okay you can talk to us. We are your friends," Yuma said.

Gakupo and Len turned to Yuma and made faces. However, they knew it was better not to. Kaito seemed to need those words as he felt more confident now.

"Kaito..."

"Miss Yowane, they kicked me out, today.

He smiled trying to look strong but she knew better. Miss Yowane sat next to him and pulled him into a hug. This caused him to begin to cry.

She knew what being kicked out felt like, she had been lucky to meet Neru at the time.

Len felt like a bad friend for not knowing what his friend was going through. Gakupo was mad that Kaito's parents had just thrown him like a price of trash. Yuma felt bad now, he had just attacked someone dealing with his own problems.

Afterwards, Miss Yowane had decided to take in Kaito. Yuma and Gakupo began to hang out with him and Len was still the same.

In high school, Kaito and Gakupo were best friends because Len and Yuma both moved away to different schools but they still kept in touch and weren't that far so on weekends and holidays they would visit. Yuma mostly to see his girlfriend.

They would do whatever they could in the time the shared. Sometimes, ending up in jail by the end of the day. Haku would have Reimu, a detective and her friend, release them.

Kaito and Gakupo had shown that they were becoming best friends, hiding secrets from the other two. Yuma would just ignore them but Len would become annoyed.

By the 11th, all of them had calm down. Len had meet a girl by the name of Rin, who had become his girlfriend, Gakupo and Kaito were starting to focus on their careers, and Yuma was talked into a band by his sister, Mizki, though the four boys still managed to find time to see each other.

"Promise none of us will change ever..." Len stated almost childishly.

"That will always be friends..." Yuma joined Len by placing his arm around the blond's shoulders.

"That will be big in the music business..." Gakupo jumped up to join them.

"That we're happy with the girls we choose and they love us all..." Kaito said in a manner that made the others laugh harder.

"Yeah, well, when you and Gakupo find them...come and tell us if they like us or not," Yuma sat back down on the patch of grass he claimed as his own.

"We will, right, Gakupo?"

"Right...we will," Gakupo shook his head but he had doubts he would find the right girl.

_The wish was silly but they really believed in it, still makes me happy to think about it, though._

**Okay, New story...**

**This one was inspired by a song... I just can't remember which one. Kaito's life was inspired by a friend of mine in high school, but she moved a long time ago.**

**I do not own vocaloid...only the plot and Jocasta.**

**Please review and I will try to finish the others after I finish this one.**


	2. The Start of Something Great

_I never knew Gakupo loved Kaito until that day but he had tried to tell me._

Kaito and Gakupo decide to go to the same college. After finding out that Len had already been signed by some record deal, they both wanted to join their friends. However, it seemed to be a lot harder for the two.

They had immediately managed to score the same dorm.

The two would fight like a married couple, be studying for their exams, or have fun with each other's company.

"Gakupo, give me my ice cream..." Kaito was reaching as high as he could but Gakupo was taller.

"Why...should I?"

"Because I bought it fair and square."

"We'll, come on, you want it," Gakupo said knowing the answer and continued his taunt,"Then, reach for it."

"Gakupo..." Kaito said, still very child-like.

After a while, Gakupo realized how close they were. He looked at the bluehead who was still struggling and was already closing his eyes. He couldn't help it... He kissed the younger male.

Kaito opened his eyes wide. His friend was kissing him and he felt like the ice cream that was melting in the purplehead's hand.

Immediately, he pulled away, embarrased, "Gakupo, why did-"

"Sorry...I was..." Gakupo trailed off not sure what to say to his stunned friend.

Kaito ran, the feelings in his chest were beginning to overwhelm him. He didn't like the strange feelings. He wanted them to stop. He walked to the nearest person and asked if he could borrow their cell.

Gakupo didn't feel good either. He had either just been rejected or Kaito didn't know how to react.

After the kiss, Kaito had began to avoid Gakupo, giving an excuse for every little thing. Gakupo had finally realized Kaito probably hated him.

This had went on until they graduated, where Kaito and Gakupo had celebrated. They had gone to Kaito's house where Haku had thrown a 'little' get together.

"Mom, you call this little?"

"We'll, Kaito, you and Gakupo have a lot of people who care about you," she hugged him tightly.

He giggled, "Thanks mom."

"Yeah, thanks, Miss Yowane," Gakupo bowed slightly.

"You're both very welcome," she petted Gakupo and walked away from the two.

"I wish your mom was mine..." Gakupo sighed.

"Is that so... I'm going to tell mom on you." Gakupo recognized the voice.

"Luka, you snitch," he said picking her up before she could protest.

"Ahh...let go, Gaku," Luka said hitting him to provoke him to let her go.

"Gakupo, let your sister go," Kaito said, not really putting a effort to help her.

"Fine..."

After Gakupo set Luka down, they greeted everyone that showed up, including Len and Yuma. They talked about everything that happened and things they expected to happen in the near future.

"And you guys still don't have any girlfriends," Yuma said suddenly.

Gakupo and Kaito turned to each other. Then, turned back to Yuma.

"Why so interested in our love lives?" Gakupo asked annoyed by the comment.

"No reason..."

"Girls aren't our biggest priority, right now."

"Right...first is being a huge success." Len said, sure that was their goal.

"Yeah...I'm going to get something to drink."

Kaito walked to the bar area and began to drink. He didn't have a very high tolerance. So, when Gakupo walked up to him, he hugged him, suddenly. Those that could see he was clearly drunk, began to laugh.

"Gakupo, it's okay," Kaito said as Gakupo pulled him to his room away from the drinks.

"Come on, get inside..." He opened the door and pulled him inside.

"Gakupo, I love you," Kaito said, so suddenly. Gakupo was taken aback.

"Kaito you're drunk."

"That doesn't matter... you have to know I love you... I don't care if it's wrong," the bluehead said wrapping his arms around the purplehead's neck.

"Kaito..."

"I love you, Gakupo...I'm sorry I was such a jackass... I love you so much."

Kaito kissed him with each pause. Gakupo wasn't sure if he should resist or go along with him.

"Kaito..."

"It's okay Gakupo... We will be...together...forever..."

Gakupo sighed, Kaito had finally tired himself out. He wanted to believe what he said was true but he was drunk he probably had no idea what he was doing. He had at least kissed him on the lips the whole time so that was one good thing... but he had to act like nothing happened. He didn't want to lose Kaito, even if it meant they were only friends.

Time passed, and that night never came up and Gakupo was happy it didn't. However, he wasn't giving up on the idea of being with Kaito.

They had finally been signed by different companies but they could still see each other.

They had visited Len and his wife, Rin. They left when night had fallen. It was winter so the nighttimes were colder than the daytimes. Kaito was alright walking in the cold, but Gakupo hadn't expected to leave so late.

At first, Kaito didn't care because Gakupo seemed to be fine. Until, he began to shiver violently. He had been reading about hypothermia so he knew that this could be bad for the purplehead.

"Gakupo, are you okay?" Kaito asked now completely worried.

"I'm fine...c-can't you t-tell," Gakupo answered as confident as he could.

"No, you're not."

Kaito wrapped his arms around Gakupo. He just stared but was thankful for the warmth.

When they got to Gakupo's apartment, Kaito gave him some blankets. He knew where everthing was, his best advantage of being best friends with the purplehead...or at least he thought so.

He made some hot chocolate and handed Gakupo a cup.

"Thanks, Kaito," he said sipping his cup.

"...Why would you dress so lightly this time of year?" Kaito sat next to him.

"I-I...I thought we were going to leave when it wasn't so cold."

"It's winter...you have to expect that everyday."

"Kaito... where you worried?"

"Of course, I was worried."

"...Worried enough you would miss me if I died?" Gakupo asked his head low, feeling like he was asking too much of his friend.

"Gakupo...why are you asking me this?" Kaito turned to him, worried.

The purple head looked up at the blue head.

"...I love you..."

There was a silence causing Gakupo to feel like he had just committed the worst mistake of his life.

Kaito was shocked. He didn't know what to say...but he recalled the kiss they had shared in college.

Was he about to do the same thing again?

Blushing, Kaito opened his mouth, "I-I...I do, too."

"Really, so can we-"

"Yeah, but let's keep it between us while I figure out how I'm going to tell my mom and our friends."

Gakupo hugged him tightly, "alright, I'm just glad you feel the same way."

"Yeah...so am I," Kaito said, hugging him back.

As a couple, they hasn't changed much but they did kiss every once in a while. They hid thier relationship from their friends and the paparazzi. They acted like to guys hunting for girlfriends. Sometimes hurting the others feelings in the process, but it would be quickly resolved.

_I never knew how happy they were during that time._

**Done...Forgive me for the misspellings...**

**Please review... let me know if it's any good.**


	3. The Upsetting Reaction

_I heard Kaito talking to him once._

Kaito had let two years past... he still hadn't got the courage to say anything, but he had learned to cherish the time he shared with Gakupo. He would sometimes say 'I love you' when alone with the purple head.

"Kaito, what was that? Tell her you're free... why don't you?" He said after the bluehead had gotten off the phone.

"I'm sorry... Gakupo, Meiko's a friend from work... don't worry," Kaito smiled sweetly at the purple head.

Gakupo was silent. He had become anxious the more time pasted and Kaito still hasn't said anything about their relationship to the others. As for Meiko, he could already see she was in love with the bluehead. Was he worried about it? Of course, she probably assumed he was still a free man.

"Kaito, when are you going to say something?"

Kaito stared at him and lowered his head, "I will... don't worry, Gakupo. I promise I'll tell everyone about us."

Gakupo now felt foolish... he felt stupid for not thinking that maybe Kaito was just scared of their reactions.

"I'm sorry," he kissed the bluehead's forehead.

"Wha-"

"I just got a sinking feeling is all."

"Maybe you should lie down," Kaito said worried now.

"Tell your friend I'm sorry for-"

"No, you don't have to be sorry. I'll tell her...we have to cancel," he took out his cell phone and began to look for her number.

"Kaito,don't- meet her without me..."

"Nope not without you... don't want you angry when I succeeded in flirting with her." He placed the phone to his ear.

Unknowingly, Gakupo was smiling at what the bluehead had just said.

"Hey Meiko, I have to cancel... something came up... no, Gakupo, wanted to but he got sick... no, I'm going to stay until his mom gets here or his sister... He can't do anything... yeah, see you at work... bye..."

After quickly hanging up, Kaito turned to Gakupo, "there... but I think we have a lot of free time."

"Kaito, no, you promised..." Gakupo said lightly blushing but getting aroused.

"I'm sorry promised what?" Kaito slicked his around Gakupo. And there it was he couldn't resist any longer.

It was always the same thing, all Kaito had to do was wrap his arms around him and he was caught. He couldn't resist the bluehead's calling.

"Damn it, Kaito... you promised we wouldn't do that until you at least told your mom..." He looked at the blue head who was nuzzled against his chest and whispered in a low voice, "...now I'm exhausted."

"Gakupo, I couldn't help it... I needed you," Kaito said kissing his lips.

"Alright, I get it."

"Can we go again?"

"Really Kaito..."

"Come on you love being in me... and I do too."

He just had to say that... suddenly Gakupo got an adrenaline rush. He only got this way with Kaito. He was like a horny ads dog when it came to the bluehead.

The next day, Kaito had gone to work and he was rather embarressed. He had forgotten that Gakupo would give him hickeys as pay back for sort of forcing him to make love to him.

"Kaito, you okay?" Miku said appearing behind him suddenly.

"Um... yeah, I'm fine..." He said nervously and sort of annoyed.

"Are you sure? You covered up everywhere and it is summer."

"Of course, I just got the chills is all."

"Okay, but it's your turn..."

"Already..."

Kaito did his job but he was already sweating from the clothing he had put on. He regreted not having eaten the ice cream in the fridge.

"Kaito, you okay... you need to change or something," Meiko said placing a hand on his shoulder causing him to flinch.

"No, I just need ice cream..." He said in a sort of goofy manner.

Meiko kind of feeling like an idiot, almost hit him, "I should have known."

After that, Kaito decided to leave after all he was done. He walked but the heat was making it hard to pay attention to anything.

"Kaito, you okay?"

Now Kaito was sick of hearing the same question over and over again.

"Yuma... I'm fine can't you tell." He said after realizing it was his friend.

"Um... no, actually it looks like you're going to die from a heat stroke," Yuma worried Kaito was about to die.

"I'm fine," he said falling into the pinkhead's arms.

"Wow... come on," he dragged him to the house he shared with his girlfriend, Jacosta.

"Jacosta," was the last thing Kaito heard before losing consciousness.

When Kaito woke up again, he was in his boxers. He panicked thinking something had bad happened to him. Then he remembered being dragged by Yuma.

"Good you're awake," Yuma said walking into the room, "don't worry we called your mom and told her what happened."

"Why am I-"

"Jacosta thought it would be a good idea... since they were the problem."

"I see," Kaito said trying to cover up.

After a while of silence, Yuma decided to speak up again.

"So, where'd you get the hickeys from?"

And there it was the question he hoped no one would ask him.

"Um...it's really not important."

"Oh...one night stand," Yuma said in an understanding manner. Even though Kaito knew different.

"Um... yeah, sure."

"She must of been an animal then?"

"You have no idea," Kaito said rubbing the back of his head.

Yuma laughed at the idea.

"Yuma..." Kaito asked after changing into some clothes Yuma had handed him.

"What's up?"

"What do you think about two girls being together?"

"Well, in all honesty, I think that's hot."

Now he was ready to ask the next question.

"What about two guys?"

"Kaito, that's disgusting... why would you ask me that?"

Kaito was a bit taken aback, but contain his poker face.

"I just wanted to ask to see your reaction."

"Oh good, almost thought you were going to come out to me..." Yuma laughed.

"Yeah... um, I have to go. I think I'm running late."

Before Yuma could say anything, Kaito grabbed his clothes and maked a run for it.

He had stopped before getting home, he was in tears. It was exactly like he feared. He was digusting for being with a guy.

He had to decide whether to tell everyone or...

_Yuma had been an idiot...how could he..._

**So, things are happening.**

**Review please...**

**I only own the plot and Jacosta.**


	4. It's Over

_Kaito had made his decision._

Kaito walked away from his house and made his way to Gakupo's house. He didn't want to face his mom.

He was at the door ready to knock but didn't. Instead he froze.

Was he really about to do this? After all his promises, after all the love the purplehead had given to him... Was he really going to do this to him?

His head hurt...his chest hurt... the pain was crawling everywhere.

"Kaito, what's going on? What happened? Did someone do this to you?"

Gakupo pulled him inside his home. When coming off of work, he hadn't expected to find Kaito at the foot of his door in tears.

Kaito tried to stop but the tears just kept coming. Gakupo just pulled him into his arms.

After some time, Kaito had room control of his tears and had pulled away from Gakupo. He had to do this now or never.

"Gakupo, I want to break up."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"I can't do this. It's over..."

"Kaito, you don't mean that... I love you and I know you love me too. So, what changed?"

"Gakupo...please-"

"No... Kaito what changed? We made love not to long ago and you where happy... so, tell me what the hell happened?"

"Gakupo, don't make this harder then it should be..."

"Kaito, don't leave me please... I still love you with all my heart or maybe even my entire being," Gakupo said on his knees.

Kaito looked away trying hard not to give in, "Gakupo please it is over..."

He backed away from him and made his way to the door.

After hearing the door closes, Gakupo lowered his head he know felt horrible. He had hoped Kaito would reconsider but he hadn't.

Why had he left? Had he done something wrong? Had he found someone new? Or had someone said something to him?

Whatever it was Gakupo felt awful. He wanted to go after him, but the weight of despair was stopping him.

The next day, Gakupo tried to get Kaito back.

"Kaito, wait," Gakupo stopped the bluehead before he could enter his house.

"Gakupo, please, we already talked about this."

"Kaito, what did I do?"

"Gakupo, please stop."

"Tell me," Gakupo took hold of the bluehead's arm.

"Ow... you did not do anything... now, let go."

"Why did you leave then?"

"Gakupo, let go...

"Kaito, please I need to know."

"Ow, it had nothing to do with you... I just... I had to choose and I chose... so, leave me alone."

Kaito finally pulled his arm away.

"Kaito...Kaito, please..."

Gakupo was knocking on the door, but Kaito ignored him. Haku was about to get it but Kaito told her not to. He finally left when he realized how useless it was to beg. He hadn't cared how he looked just that Kaito had completely ignored him.

He carried on for a few weeks, but after a while he had just stopped going to work, feeling to weak to anything anymore. Evicted from his house, he moved back with his mother and sister.

"Gakupo, what happened? You were doing so well?" his mom walked into his old room, which in the past he had promised to never come back into.

"Nothing...mom..."

"Don't lie to me, young man," she sat him down on the bed.

"I-" he had to tell her even if she wasn't going to like it, "...was in a relationship with my friend..."

"The one with blue hair right?" She stared at him more understanding than distraught.

"Um... yeah...how?"

"He's the only one who doesn't have a girlfriend besides you."

"You're not mad."

"Gakupo... whatever makes you and your sister happy makes me happy... That means even if you liked a guy... I would be happy because you're happy," she pulled him into a motherly hug.

"Thank you, mom..."

"Don't thank me yet... what happened between you and him?"

"He broke up with me... and his reasons... they..." he trailed off feeling like more of a wreck than he already was.

"He broke your heart and his reason wasn't clear to you... or at least, he wasn't clear about it."

"Yeah..." Gakupo pulled away from her.

"Kaito probably had something's to work out or he told someone who didn't approve of you relationship."

His mom patted his head lightly... then patted his shoulder.

"Who would do that and why would Kaito care what they thought?"

Gakupo could feel his rage build.

"Gakupo... how long were you two together?"

"About two years..."

"And he was the one that decided to keep a secret."

"...yes, but..."

"Kaito wasn't sure about the relationship... Was he?"

"...but he agreed to date me...he..."

"Gakupo, he had conflicting feelings."

He was silent, his mom made very valid points.

"Can I be left alone for a while?"

"Alright but don't stew too long," she said standing up and walking to the door.

She stopped for a moment and turned to him, "let him firgure things out and hope or pray that he chooses you."

"Thanks mom," he smiled lightly.

"You're welcome..."

He thought and thought but he was upset with himself. How could he not have seen that Kaito was very vulnerable to people's opinions?

Everyday, Gakupo would watch Kaito's window. He had memorized his work schedule. He watched to see if Kaito would come down and talk to him. He never did.

_Poor Gakupo... He had no idea what Kaito was up to._

**Awww... I almost cried T-T**

**Anyways another chapter...**

**only own the plot... please review**


	5. The Ceremony

_Gakupo... all he wanted was to be with Kaito._

Kaito never tried to talk to him not even as friends. Whenever he hung out with Len and Yuma, it would only be when Gakupo wasn't there. Gakupo tried to call him but they would go on ignored.

After a year, he found out why Kaito had ignored him. Why he would continuously push him away?

"Gakupo, look..." Luka said jumping onto his bed.

"Luka... what is it," he asked annoyed by his sister jumping onto him, he sat up.

"Look," she handed him a fancy invitation.

He stared at it suspiciously. Wandering who it was from before taking it from his little sister's hand. However, he didn't have to wander long.

Opening the letter, he read the letter to himself. He froze when he saw the names of those engage.

Meiko and...

"Kaito... he's getting married," he could feel his chest crushing his heart.

"What... Meiko told me she was going to marry a prince."

"Don't believe everything people say..."

"Okay, I'm going to ask mom if we can go."

She ran off to see their mom... pretending it was a top-secret mission.

Gakupo wanted to go but only to stop the wedding. He knew Kaito couldn't be happy with his decision.

He got dress and walked to the bluehead's house. Once there he saw Meiko at the door talking to the bluehead. They were laughing at some point and kissed one another.

It was true Kaito was going to marry her. Gakupo a bit distraught, made his way to a bar. Where he drank until he couldn't see a thing in front of him. The bar tender, clicking out decided to take him home. Lucky for him, the purplehead was understandable.

Gakupo woke up with a headache. He had know idea how he had got home.

He made his to the kitchen were his mother was cooking breakfast.

"Good morning, mom," he said, lightly pecking her head.

"How's the hangover?"

"...awful...I'm not going to drink that much again."

"How you holding up?"

"I'll live."

"Good, eat... I have to wake up your sister."

He had lie...he didn't feel good at all.

Two days later, he cut his hair short. A week later, he watched over Kaito's house. A month later, he began to constantly scratch his arm, where there were physical wounds that he wouldn't let heal. His mental wounds would never heal.

Two months passed, it was time for the wedding. Gakupo knew what he wanted but he didn't know if it would work out. All he could do was hope it would.

He had finished getting dressed and toldhis mom and sister he would go on ahead. He walked into the bluehead's house and went to search for him. Finding him in his room with Len and Yuma helping him with the the.

"Gakupo," Len walked up to him and patted his shoulders. Kaito stared nervously at him. He knew why Gakupo had come. The reason he was against Meiko sending an invitation to his family.

"Did you come to congratulate Kaito?"

"Something like that," he turned to Yuma who was still trying to fix the bluehead's tie.

"Why don't you let me do it? You two look like you still need to get ready."

"Alright, Gakupo. Kaito, don't get cold feet."

"Gakupo, don't suffocate him," Yuma said worried a bit for the blue head.

"Alright..."

Gakupo walked to the bluehead and had slammed his hand on the wall, angry that Kaito couldn't see what he was doing.

"Kaito you can't do this..."

"Yes, I can, Gakupo. Why are you here anyway?"

"You know why..."

"Go away..."

"Not without you..."

"Gakupo, I thought I-"

"I'm going to speak up. I'm going to-"

"Don't because I'm not going to chose you... I'm going to marry Meiko," Kaito stared standing his ground.

Gakupo was taken aback, "you don't mean that."

"I do... Gakupo, I don't love, anymore, can't you see that."

Gakupo was silent but answered, "No, what I see is someone trying normal, not his unique self."

Kaito could feel the emotions flow and want out, "shut up, Gakupo. You don't know what you taking about."

"No, I do. Kaito, I love you and I'll be damned if I let her marry you."

"I was using you. You were just a good time."

Gakupo raised his hand and backhanded the bluehead. Kaito let his head stay like that feeling the pain rush to his cheek.

"Kaito, I'm sorry...I didn't-"

"Leave me alone... I hate you..."

Kaito walked past the purplehead. Gakupo stared stunned at the place where Kaito had stood. He felt sorrow but then he just felt rage. Why didn't Kaito see he wasn't going to be happy with her?

Gakupo walked home. From what he hear from his sister the ceremony went wonderful.

_Gakupo... I wondered how he really felt..._

**_Finished chapter..._**

**_Please review or fav... _**

**_Only own the plot..._**


	6. One Last Kiss I Promise

_Gakupo was obsessed..._

Gakupo was still stunned. He has no idea how things had escalated to this. He had begun to drink. He would be at the bar instead of home. Sometimes he would wake up at the bartender's house. He would watch Kaito and Meiko head somewhere and he was devastated everytime he saw them together.

His mother was worried but he would assure her he was fine.

He woke up in an all to familiar room. He also had the same headache and his clothes were at the edge of the bed. He placed them on and walked out of the room and made his way to the kitchen were he knew he would find the bartender, Cecil.

"So your finally up," he said dicarding his lit cigarette.

Gakupo rubbed his head, he was always embarrassed when he woke up at his house.

"You hungry," Cecil got up and grabbed a play full of pancakes and placed them in the table.

Gakupo sat down after nodding his head. He just made them they were still warm.

"I'm sorry... I keep doing this to you," Gakupo said before digging into his food.

"Hey no worries... I told your mom I would babysit you until she comes back," he said sarcastically.

"Thanks..." the purplehead said annoyed but thankful he wasn't going to call his mother.

Though he always wandered why he hadn't.

"Cecil, you know where I leave why don't you take me there..."

Cecil was silent before he turned back to the purplehead, "I know you don't want your mom to know what your doing... you probably keep promising you won't drink that much anymore... but someone or something keeps making you drink until you can't feel anything anymore," he looked at him whiched caused him to stop eating, "I'm right aren't I?"

"...how do you know?"

"I know how it feels but I also know where your headed and if you can't get over it I hope it's not someone you love because you'll always suffer..."

"What..."

"I use to do the same thing... I can relate if your in love with someone who won't return their feelings because of someone else. I hated watching them together... either you wait until they move away or you move away."

"I can't I know he still loves me."

"He... then I can relate..he's never going to chose you...He'll never go with his feelings... He'll always chose her."

"He has to..."

"Not if he's so stuck on being 'normal'," he got up angry and walked into the living room.

Gakupo stared at his plate... Was he right would Kaito really never chose him?

That is when he remebered what Kaito had told him when he had comfronted him.

Why was he so stuck on Kaito? Why couldn't he move on?

Gakupo walked home and found his mom on the couch... had she really stayed up and waited for him.

"Mom, hey..." He shook her lightly.

"Ah... Gakupo, where were you?"

"I was with the bartender again."

"Gakupo is he your new boyfriend."

Since it was better not to tell her the truth, he nodded his head.

"We'll, when am I going to meet him."

"You saw him already."

"No, Gakupo, I mean like invite him to dinner here not make him bring your drunk butt home."

"Alright, mom, I'll ask him when I see him again."

"You better, are you ready to work again?"

He turned worried but then smiled and said, "Yeah mom."

He walked to his room feeling guilty for lying but knowing she wouldn't worry about him anymore.

He got his job back with the help of Yuma. He watched Kaito sing he really couldn't move on. He had to see him even if it was just one last kiss.

He had convinced Cecil to allow him to use his house, and texted Kaito to meet him at the house...that it was important and that he would leave him alone after. The bluehead agreed.

When he arrived, he was shocked to see how well the purplehead had done for himself.

"Gakupo," he walked into the house, he did find it strange that it was unlocked.

"Kaito, you really came..." Gakupo walked out of the kitchen.

"What's so important?"

Gakupo turned to his side, "I'm not going after you anymore. I promise."

Kaito was taken aback and was rather happy, "thanks, Gakupo, I'm glad you fina-"

Gakupo grabbed his arm and pulled him close. Kaito struggled a little.

"Gakupo, what-"

"Only if you kiss me... I'll leave you alone and no one will know."

Kaito stared at the purplehead, he was serious. He thought about it, Gakupo leave him alone. He wouldn't feel watched and all he had to do was kissing him.

He really didn't have a problem with it. He missed how his lips felt and at the moment he had to admit to himself he missed everything about him.

"Okay," Kaito said flushed.

What he didn't expect was getting taken into a room...that he would go along with it...that Gakupo scent was making him crazy...that he wanted all this... He could not control himself.

Gakupo hadn't really planned it to go this far. He was just expecting to get a kiss not to sleep with the bluehead.

After, it was over. Kaito seemed to want more as he was still missing the purplehead.

Gakupo was tired but to still be with the bluehead, he had suddenly gain a burst of energy. He was rather happy to oblige the Kaito.

"Gakupo...why can't I get enough of you?" Kaito said kissing Gakupo's forehead.

Gakupo had easily fallen asleep and Kaito was happy he did.

Gakupo was like a poison to him. Now, he had to leave. He had a wife to return to... He had to at least clean himself before she came home.

When Gakupo woke up, Cecil had just arrived and was rather not happy to find his bed a mess with Gakupo naked in it.

"Well, I see you enjoyed his company," Cecil said pulling the sheet covers off of him.

Gakupo jumped and got his clothing, "sorry, I-"

"It's fine...just remind me never to lend you my house again."

"I won't see him anymore it's time I moved on."

"Glad you see it that way..." Cecil removed the sheets from the bed but then gave up and throw them back on top, "forget it I'm burning the fucking bed."

Gakupo grinned satisfied by what he said.

"Hey, Cecil did you decide if you where coming to my house for dinner or not..."

"Gakupo, I'm not going to lie to someone who suffered to bring you to this world."

"Please, I'll owe you big time."

"...fine, but if I end up on her bad side don't expect me to keep up the lie." Cecil crossed his arms and walked away.

"Thanks," Gakupo rushed out and drove back home, thinking of the promise he made.

_...Makes me wonder why he made a promise he couldn't keep... to stay away from him._

**Promises are made to be broken...**

**Please review or fav...**


	7. Kaito, You're Happy Without Me

_Gakupo was...devastated..._

The day he slept with Kaito had caused him to think that maybe there was still a chance. It has been two years since the promise. Gakupo had tried but he couldn't stay away. He started to stalk the bluehead.

Cecil was great at accepting the fact that he was with Gakupo. He even helped with his stalking without realizing or at least that was what Gakupo had thought.

"You're still doing it aren't you?" Cecil crossed his arms when the purplehead had walked inside his house.

"I don't-"

"Whatever, it's none of my business but keep obsessing...I'm sure Kaito will eventually give up and choose you. I hope it works out...for your sake."

Gakupo was rather clueless. He was just watching to see if Kaito was safe. Wasn't he?

He had to stop Kaito was never going to choose him. He had to get the idea into his head. The problem was that it caused him to become depressed and resume his heavy drinking. Everyday when he saw Kaito, he had to drink, because it was the only way he could coop with the pain. Cecil was tired of it and finally told his mother the truth.

Gakupo and him were never together. He was just a way to hid his now worsening drinking problem. That sleeping with Kaito had solved it for two years but now it was just a problem.

"Gakupo, wake up, you have to go to rehab..." his mom had called out to him.

Rehab...He had started it four months ago, after Cecil had told his mother everything. He was angry but he knew Cecil was only trying to help.

"Don't worry, I'm going," he got up and smiled at the woman.

"Good, see you later tonight." She said, walking out of his room quickly.

"Yeah...yeah..."

"Oh, remember, Luka's coming to visit today," he heard her say before the door slammed shut.

Gakupo sighed and got ready to go. He walked outside to see Kaito and Meiko having their routine jogging session. Why had the route taken them to the front of his house?

He was trying to forget them, not remember how miserable he was without Kaito. Although he was sure it was Meiko's idea because Kaito had always tried to avoid him.

"Good morning, Gakupo," Meiko said, jogging over to him. Kaito followed only cause Meiko had her hand on his.

"Yeah...morning," he said, walking to the mailbox like he was getting the mail.

"Guess what Gakupo?" She said happily hugging Kaito, who was smiling awkwardly.

"Um...what..." He pulled out the mail.

"Since you and Kaito are good friends-"

"You have no idea..." He said rolling his eyes after looking away from her.

Kaito just felt awkward why had Gakupo walked outside precisely when they were coming over.

"Um...we want you to be the godfather of our baby."

"Wha-"

"Yeah, Kaito wanted your sister."

"I did but Meiko here is way too stubborn," Kaito rubbed the back of his head.

"We send the invitation...you...didn't you know?" Meiko said gently, but to him it felt like she was rubbing it in.

"No, I didn't..."

"Well, there's a baby shower tomorrow and you, your sister and, mother are all invited. You are coming, aren't you?"

"Yeah, I'll tell them..."

"Great...thanks...let's go, Kaito." He heard Meiko say, as they walked away.

Gakupo felt himself completely shatter. He wanted to just die. Kaito had completed everything he needed to be happy with the woman he married. He now felt awful... He had tried his hardest to bury his emotions for Kaito, but it never happened. He needed a drink... He wasn't going to go to rehab. He needed a drink and he needed it now.

He drove to the liquor store and bought anything he could using some money he had his from his mom.

He had drank until he couldn't feel anything. He had fallen asleep. He wake up, sober and with a headache.

He wondered why no one had tried to enter his room and how much to had passed that he was sober.

He walks to the door and got his answer to why no one had come in... it was locked.

He walked to the kitchen where Luka was pouring a coffee into a cup.

"Hey, princess," he said which startled her.

"Damn it, Gakupo...don't do that," she said hitting his hand.

He laughed acting as if he didn't have a hangover.

"So, why didn't you come down to greet me yesterday?" She asked, sitting on one of the dining chairs.

"Yesterday?"

Had he really been that out of if, because of how much he drank? Of course, it was just still surprising to him.

"Yep... you're lucky...mom didn't call the police to knock your door down because she could hear your snoring."

"Sorry, it's good to see you, sis."

"You too, brother."

He hugged her and then walked to his room where he found his mom about to enter.

"Mom, good morning," he said hugging her before she turned the handle.

"Oh...Gakupo don't scare me like that," she began hit his arms.

"Sorry."

"It's fine. What happened yesterday?"

"Nothing...I just fell asleep and forgot."

"Gakupo, are you hiding something?"

Damn, she was starting to figure him out.

"No, I was just really tired."

"Alright, but you'll tell me if anything's wrong right?"

"Of course I will..."

"Good, you coming to breakfast?"

"No, but um... Meiko wanted to know if you and Luka wanted to go to the baby shower."

"Hm...guess we'll see...Luka is a bit-"

"She doesn't like parties..." Gakupo interrupted.

"Good bye, Gakupo. I hope your sister didn't hear that for your sake," she walked off and went to eat breakfast.

Gakupo stayed in his room just thinking. They say that thinking alone is the worst place to be, but it didn't stop him.

He had thought at some point if he could change the past what would he change.

How the ceremony had gone...how he would object and pronounce his love for the bluehead...how he didn't care if people were disgusted...they would have to deal with it...because no matter what he was never going to leave the bluehead's side.

He wonder if Kaito would have choose him then and if they would have been together forever.

"Gakupo, we're going now," he mom said behind the door, knocking to get a response.

Had time really passed so fast.

"Okay," he said which made her sigh with in relief.

"Are you sure you don't want to come?"

"Yes... I don't feel so good."

"Alright, we'll see you later."

"Okay..."

Gakupo heard the door close and he began to drink but it wasn't working. He could see the bluehead clearly with Meiko and their child. He could see how happy he was without him.

"No, Kaito... you can't be happy," he tried to walk to the desk, but fell into the floor.

The tears began to fall... Kaito happy without him... the thought was killing him.

He walked tried to walk to the desk again. He pulled out a gun he had bought a few weeks ago. Was he being too rash? No, he had had enough.

"Kaito..." He pulled out a piece of paper and pencil.

He couldn't do it any longer...life without Kaito was just not worth it anymore. He wrote what he could onto the paper. He felt like he was spilling his heart out.

"Kaito, I love you..." He said as he placed the gun to his head. After a breathe or two and pulled the trigger.

With that Gakupo had truly erased all the memories of Kaito.

_...After all that, he finally ended his life...the thought of Kaito actually being happy with Meiko had finally gotten to him..._

**So... Gakupo...committed suicide...T-T****...I felt like I kept him alive too long...I was really milking it... but it was time... that and I ran out of fillers.**

**Plot belongs to me and so does Cecil...**

**Please Review...**


	8. The Letter

_It wasn't Kaito's fault things ended the way they did..._

Kaito had watched all the people that had come to the baby shower leave.

He was sort of shocked Gakupo hadn't taken the opportunity and come to the party but he figured he was just keeping his promise.

He got out of bed all day he had a feeling of dread that caused him to feel a knot in his stomach.

He thought maybe it was because he always felt guilty.

He didn't want to be a disgrace. Len had told him the exact same thing Yuma had told him. This was his reason for not choosing Gakupo.

He wanted to... the short relationship he had with him was great but what would everyone have thought when they found out.

Yes, Meiko was the right choice... right?

He was so tired...everyday was the same argument with himself.

"Kaito, are you coming to bed?"

"Um...yeah, I'm just going to get some water."

He walked into the kitchen, and drank the cup of water he filled up. He was nervous and he didn't know why...Maybe it was time for him to sleep.

When he woke up the next morning, he noticed Meiko wasn't in bed with him. Where could she have gone?

He walked out of the room to find her on the phone. She was smiling to herself, but when she spoke she sounded, sad.

"Yes, I'll tell him... I'm sure he wants to know."

Meiko hung up and suddenly looked sad. He was confused.

"What's wrong Meiko?"

"Gakupo...he..."

Gakupo...what did he have to do with anything. He stared at her, serious.

"He...committed suicide, last night-"

"Wha-what are you talking about?"

Kaito said grabbing her shoulders, tightly.

"Ah... Kaito that hurts."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to," Kaito said shocked. He hadn't realised what he had done, he had hoped he had heard her wrong.

"It's okay...but Gakupo's mother wants to see you to give you something."

"I'll be back then...okay?"

With no regard to what he was wearing, Kaito grabbed his sweater and drove away. Meiko didn't even get to say a thing.

Kaito was having trouble concentrating on the road having almost ran a redlight twice.

He had finally arrived at the house. He was nervous like he knew what was about to happen.

He knocked and a man, he had never seen before, opened the door.

"What is it?"

"Um...well, I...um..."

Kaito wasn't sure what to say to the stranger.

"Cecil, who is it?" he heard gakupo's mother ask, the sadness in her voice could be heard.

So, was it really true?

"I'm not sure he hasn't said a word," Cecil said still staring at him intensely.

"It's me... K...Kaito...ma'am."

Immediately after saying his name, Cecil looked enraged at him.

"Oh... Kaito... It's good to see you again... Cecil let him in." He walked inside trying to avoid anymore eye contact with Cecil.

He walked into the living room to find that Yui, Gakupo's mother, was holding Luka. They had been crying. Now, he felt like crying but why had they called him here.

"Kaito... I'm glad you came. Gakupo would be happy to see you."

"I-"

"Don't be so generous... It's his fault in the first place..."

"Cecil...please..." Yui said motioning Kaito to her.

"Sorry..."

"It's okay... Kaito, I'm glad your here and I need you to do something for me," she said, about to tear up the whole time.

"Wha-what is it?"

Kaito was now nervous and he didn't now why...

"Gakupo, wrote you a letter. We didn't want to read it...except Cecil he already read it."

Kaito jumped from his skin...a letter...

He sat on the sofa and hesitsted at first but he did get the courage to read it.

Kaito held back tears as he read to himself... He looked at Yui and Luka who stared at him with anxiety.

"I-I...why... I don't..."

Cecil walked to him and snatched the letter.

"Cecil..."

"Yui, he can't read it. He either feels guilty as fuck or he knows it's his fault," his stare became cold, "and it's obvious which one it is."

"Kaito was Gakupo's friend."

"...and the worst cause of his pain."

Kaito stared at Cecil he looked angry at the older woman.

How close was he to Gakupo?

"Cecil... Please... Kaito, what did it say?" Yui was shaking...holding on tightly to Luka.

Kaito took the letter back and sighed," it says..."

**Kaito... You don't know how many times I've hated seeing you with her. **

**Why... I should have tried harder... I should have done everything possible to be with you. **

**I miss you... **

**I'm always thinking about you... Every drink I took was to forget you... But now I can't... **

**You and her having a child... That was it... Now i know how happy you are with her... **

**And I can't live knowing that...**

**Kaito... I will always love you...love you with my entire being.**

**This will be the last time I think...write...and say this.**

**Gakupo**

Kaito had paused a few times... having trouble rereading Gakupo's words. Yui noticed and Luka stared astonished...

She knew her brother liked someone but she never thought it was his best friend.

"Oh...my poor little Gakupo..."

"Wait... Mom you knew and didn't tell me..." Luka said in an offended manner.

"Luka it wasn't my place your brother was the one who had to tell you but he never got the chance to..."

"Yeah but he had all that time..."

Kaito felt weird as he heard them argue...

"Cecil, you were his boyfriend...did you know too?"

His boyfriend... Kaito stared at the man.

"I told you I was-"

"Answer me..." Luka interrupted him.

Kaito had wanted to know but Luka already knew what she was talking about it seemed.

"Yes... Luka, I knew..."

Luka looked upset and ran out feeling a bit betrayed.

"Luka... Luka...please...come back," Yui had tried to give chase but Cecil had stopped her.

"Don't worry she'll be back."

"Oh... Cecil...did I do something wrong?" she said in his arms finding comfort in them.

Kaito stared what exactly was there relationship. Cecil turn to him an gave a disgusted look.

"You're still here?"

"Oh... I guess I over stayed my welcome," he quickly made his way to the front door.

"Wait...Kaito,please...come back... Cecil... He didn't mean it."

"No, I left my pregnant wife, alone. I want to see her now."

"See what did I say?"

"Cecil..."

He looked at her but did leave the two alone.

"What's his problem?"

Kaito asked as he slipped away.

"He thinks you didn't love my son," she lowered her head, "but I know different."

Kaito became flusttered and sad at the same time.

"I-I have know idea what you're talking about."

"Listen kaito...please don't do anything drastic because of what Cecil said..."

"What are you-"

"I don't want another tragedy."

Kaito was dumbfounded... Of course he wasn't...he just now regreted not being with the purplehead...but that would only be being with him out of pity...right?

"I understand...don't worry...I won't."

Kaito turned to leave.

"Wait...Kaito, take the letter with you."

Yui held out the letter to him.

"Wha- I don't-"

"Please, Gakupo addressed it to you. He would want you to keep it close."

Close...Gakupo wants me to keep this, Kaito stared at it. Yui seemed to insist so he didn't press on and took it.

"I will-"

He finally left...staring at the letter. He had heard Yui say something but it was muffled to him.

_What was he thinking about I wander?_

**Sorry for the wait... Things happen...**

**Anyways sorry if this doesn't make sense...**

**Please review... I'll try to finish this story up.**


	9. Illusion of the heart

It's_ funny how guilt can attack us even if we know it wasn't our fault... Kaito sure knew..._

Kaito drove and was still deciding whether or not to throw away the letter. Reaching the house, he decided to keep it. He walked inside to find Meiko waiting patiently with her friend and their neighbor, Kiyoteru Hiyama.

"Kaito, is it true...is Gakupo really..."

"Yes... He took his own life," he looked away from the two.

And it was all my fault...Whaat?! Kaito shook his head at the thought.

"I'm really sorry Kaito. I hear you were friends with him," Kiyoteru said knowing how much it pleased Meiko that her only obstacle was gone. She was finally going to recieve the full attention of the blue head much to his dismay.

"Yes..." but I...killed him. My rejection of us killed him. He couldn't live without me...I acted like I moved on... I let it kill him.

Kaito stared shocked at the Meiko who had started to talk to Kiyoteru...something about knowing Gakupo.

"Kaito...'something wrong?"

"No...nothing just a headache." he answered his wife, trying to not think about what Gakupo anymore, "...I'm going to go bed..."

"What about work...Kaito?" Meiko tilted her head and seemed more annoyed than worried.

Kaito turned to her and smiled, "you're right thanks for reminding me."

Meiko was taken a bit aback but smiled as well. Kiyoteru stared at the seen a bit hurt.

The bluehead ran into the room he shared with his bruenette wife and grabbed clothes and quickly ran out past the two.

"I'll see you after work."

He tried to do his job but everytime he became distracted. The letter had gotten to him.

A week had past...the funeral was set in two weeks. Kaito would visit Yui and Luka when he could and every time Cecil was there to remind him of the letter and Gakupo's feelings towards him.

Today, he almost walked into the women's restroom but was stopped by someone. He stared dazed at the sign that signified it was the women's restroom. He turned to find the tealheaded Miku standing in front of him.

Miku had tapped his shoulder to get his attention and smile at him.

"What is it?"

"You okay Kaito..."

"Um... Of course I am...why?"

"You almost-"

"Oh...that... I was just distracted," he said now flushed with embarrassment.

"Ok...ay..." she said turning away and letting Kaito feel embarressed.

"So... Did you see how Luka is doing?" Miku asked worried for her friend.

"Miku...if you wanted to know. Why don't you go to see her?" Kaito said slightly annoyed. It was always the same thing she worried about, since Luka had decided to take a break for a while.

"I figured since you were probably already going...you were already going to see her...so..." she trailed off.

"I'm sorry... I just have a lot on my mind..." Kaito was embarrassed now. He was talking like he was...

"Well, come on we have to record together again." Miku pulled Kaito.

"Again..."

"Yes..."

Kaito stared at Cecil who had walked in suddenly while he was singing. Luka followed behind him, but didn't seem to be with him. Miku had started talking to Luka. And Cecil was just staring at him which caused him to sing off key at times. The producer had to stop him and told him to take a break. He tried to walk fast and pass Cecil but he had followed him.

"What do you want?" Kaito said finally turned to him, after having entered the restroom.

Cecil looked sad suddenly.

"Wh-what's wrong?"

He didn't answer instead he just stared. Kaito was starting to freak out but kept calm.

Suddenly Cecil pulled Kaito close.

"H-hey, what are you-"

"I love you."

Kaito became wide-eyed not because of the confession but...

"Gakupo?"

"I love you...Kaito..."

It was...Gakupo...and Kaito wanted to cry but he also didn't understand. Gakupo was possessing Cecil...

"Kaito...I love you...I love you so much."

"Gakupo..." Kaito tried but he didn't answer he just kept repeating himself. It was almost like he was dreaming and didn't realise what he was doing.

"Gakupo...listen to me..."

"Kaito...I can't stop...I hate Meiko. Why did she get to keep you? Why... Tell me why you loved her more than me..." He said know staring at the bluehead, not mad but sad.

"I told you-"

Gakupo had pulled him into a kiss. Even though Gakupo was in Cecil's body...he tasted like he had remembered, even causing Kaito to lose the strength in his legs.

Kaito tried to pull away but instead ended up against the door. He was starting to lose all his senses because Cecil was starting to look a lot like Gakupo.

Gakupo pulled away, removed his scarf, and kissed his neck.

"G-Gakupo...pah...please..."

Kaito felt the purplehead opening his coat and lifting his shirt. He was getting excited.

"Kaito...I missed your smell...you smell so good," he smelled him as he trailed kisses down his chest.

Kaito fell onto the floor his legs finally giving into the pleasure. He was dazed staring at the floor. He didn't want to stare at Gakupo but the purplehead had other plans.

He kneeled down and lifted his head to face him.

"Please...stop...Gakupo..."

Kaito looked away as soon as Gakupo's eyes were looking into his.

"Kaito..."

Gakupo pulled his head back towards him. He loved how the bluehead had been red from ear to ear since he started this.

"Gakupo, I-"

"Kaito...are you okay? Why are you up against the door?" they both heard Miku say.

"Ye-yes...I just-"

"You sure?"

"Yes..."

"Is someone in there with you?"

Gakupo opened his mouth but Kaito quickly covered his mouth before he could say anything.

"No...of-of course not..."

"Well then hurry up, please... The others are getting impatient," she said leaving.

They stood still until they heard her leave completely.

Kaito sighed in relief, letting his arms fall to his side.

What am I going to do with him?

"What the hell is going on?"

He heard Cecil say. When he looked up Cecil wasn't Gakupo anymore which slightly disappointed him.

"Kaito, did something happen? Who did that to you?"

Kaito looked confused but got up quickly realising that a hickey was probably developing. Staring at himself in the mirror, he wasn't able to speak. It wasn't just one but about five all around his neck.

Cecil stared at him waiting for an answer. He was worried but only because he had been a real jerk the whole week. Which had reminded him why he was here in the first place.

"Kaito..."

He said sort of out of nowhere that it had slightly scared the bluehead.

"Ye-yeah," Kaito had fixed his shirt and was zipping his coat up, trying to act normal, again.

"I wanted to apologize."

Kaito felt shock immediately after he said that.

"Wh-why?"

"I said things that weren't fair to you and I'm sorry."

"Oh...right that," Kaito scratched the back of his head. But wait...

"Why are you-"

"I had a dream and it helped me to realise I was out of line with you... So you forgive me or not? Cause I don't want to be apologizing for no reason," Cecil blushed.

This was how Kaito could tell it was real embarrassing for him.

"It- I forgive you,okay."

"Well then I'll see you at Yui's," Cecil walked off. Not wanting to make the bluehead even more uncomfortable.

_Was Kaito going crazy?_

**Finally updated...**

**Sorry for the wait...**

**I sort of might not be continuing this because I may have forgotten how I wanted to end this... But will see...**

**Please review or fav which ever you want...**


	10. A Funeral and A Truth

_Dreams always seem to be Illusions we wish for... that will never come true..._

Kaito woke up, gasping for air.

He had been dreaming.

What happen with Cecil turning into Gakupo...was just a dream. The dream was always a repeat of the same day but Cecil never turned into Gakupo, that day.

Ever since the letter, his dreams have gotten weird.

This has caused him to only be able to fall asleep in Gakupo's bed. He couldn't sleep with his wife anymore.

Which to him felt like it was unfair to her.

He sighed... why had his dream tormented him?

He knew he deserved it. What more could scum like him ask for?

"Kaito..." Cecil walked in...he had a much more gentle tone in his voice, since he apologized.

"Yes..."

"Meiko called...she's worried about you... and frankly, I wouldn't blame her. You always come here and fall asleep in Gakupo's room," Cecil sat down next to Kaito.

The blue head was silent. He waited for an answer but his hope wasn't that big.

He was about to give up and leave when Kaito suddenly said, "I still love him you know."

"...Kaito...I-why-"

"I should have told him. I never should have chosen Meiko," he cried. The tears felt like acid to him, making him feel like a bastard, "Gakupo would still be alive if it weren't for me."

Cecil grabbed the blue head's shoulders and shook him yelling, "Kaito, get a hold of yourself."

The bluehead stared wide-eyed, as the other stopped gripping him.

"Sorry...I-"

"Thanks, Cecil...you really are a good friend," Kaito smiled, causing Cecil to smile himself.

"Are you actually smiling? That's so cute."

Cecil flushed quickly and stated, "no, I-stop being an idiot."

Kaito sat up, "hm...did you and Gakupo ever talk-"

"I told him to forget about you to move on since you would never chose him...since you seemed more interested in what society thought of you than what Gakupo meant to you."

Kaito lowered his head.._.Was he right? Was i-_

"But I was wrong you would only chose him after he was gone and you were more interested in what your friends thought of you than-"

"Shut up," Kaito had punched the onyx head and had immediately regretted it, "I'm sorry."

"No, I desired that...I have no right to judge you, only you have that right."

Cecil turned away and walked out of the room, leaving Kaito to think.

Kaito held his head what was he going to do now.

"Idiot...Cecil's...a friend...not...your enemy...right?"

Kaito looked up to find Meiko standing in the doorway.

"Kaito...is everything alright?"

She walked toward him.

"Meiko...I..."

"You feel so much guilt over your best friend's suicide..."

_It __was my fault...I rejected him_, Kaito thought looking away.

"But I don't think anyone could have done anything..."

She patted his shoulder for support.

But something snapped because hearing that caused him to yell,"I could have done something."

Kaito felt empty...as he looked at Meiko's distraught eyes.

He didn't feel sorry but he did say," I'm sorry..."

"Meiko...Kaito... is everything okay?"

Luka walked into the room. She was shaking but managed to keep her cool.

She was slightly mad that Meiko was in the room...they had only allowed Kaito because Gakupo would love it. It was his final gift from them.

"Nothing, Kai-"

"Luka, tomorrow's the funeral right..."

Kaito had interrupted the brunette, holding her hand.

Luka nodded her head.

"We have to go then..."

"Kaito!" Meiko yelled but the bluehead ignored her.

* * *

Kaito sat in the car, patiently waiting for Meiko to finish getting ready.

Kiyoteru was also tagging along. She wanted him to go so she could talk to someone, since Kaito hadn't spoken a word since they left Gakupo's house.

He could only think that it was his fault Gakupo was even being buried.

* * *

Walking into the Chapel, unfortunately, insured Kaito that this was really happening. He could see Len and Yuma sitting next to each other with the women they married. Kaito struggled to make a decision.

Sit with the friends who helped his bad decision or sit with Yui, Luka, and Cecil?

"Kaito..." Cecil said after having bumped into him.

"Cecil...you..."

"Are you alright?"

Cecil looked at Meiko and slightly smiled. He didn't really like her. There was just something that told him not to trust her.

"Yes... Meiko, why don't you and Kiyo sit together? I'm sitting with Cecil, okay?"

Meiko wanted to argue but Cecil shook his head. Kiyo grabbed her arm pulling her away.

"Thanks, Cecil..."

"You'r- H-hey..."

Kaito sank his head into Cecil's shirt crying, but not loud enough for anyone to hear.

"Hey, Kaito, are you okay?" Haku asked, patting the back of his head.

"Are you his mom?"

Haku nodded.

_Huh...I had assumed she was a friend but the way she's trying to comfort him..._

"He'll be fine... he's just tired...I'll sit with him to make sure for you," he reassured her.

"Thank you,sir..."

"Um...Cecil's my name, ma'am."

"Nice to meet you...my name is Haku. Please, take good care of my son, while we're here," Haku sat next to Meiko.

After sitting down, Kaito lowered his head and spoke.

"Did she see?"

"You cry? No...I doubt anyone cared."

"...This is real, isn't it?"

"...Yes...Gakupo is about to be buried."

Kaito lifted his head and collapsed into Cecil's shoulders. He fainted, lucky for Cecil no one noticed.

* * *

Kaito woke up to Cecil lightly shaking him.

"Wha-"

"Good, I thought you entered a coma."

Kaito watched as the coffin was carried to the grave.

"Time for the final good-bye..."

As soon as Cecil said this, Kaito lost his balance, taking hold of his arm to keep from falling on his face.

The talked softly as they followed the others.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, just...dizzy..."

"Haven't been eating right, have you?"

"No...not really...don't tell anyone..."

"I don't know..."

"Hey, doctor-patient confidentiality..."

"Doctor?"

"Shh...it's starting..."

The priest said some words and then the coffin was lowered into the grave. Luka and Yui both grabbed Kaito's arm. He turned to them. It was clear that they knew he was about to burst to tears. It was to say he wasn't alone but it didn't help.

The flowers were thrown into the grave. Kaito hugged both Luka and Yui, surprising both of them.

"Kaito..."

"I don't want them to see...I don't want them...I don't..."

Yui patted his head saying, "it's okay we won't let them now."

Luka sighed.

_Kaito has the most innocent personality...he'd be easy to break...no wonder you liked him so much, right brother?_

* * *

Kaito walked to Meiko and handed her the keys.

"You take the car I'm going with Cecil."

Meiko looked at the bluehead, worry written all over her face. Kiyoteru just looked at him unsure whether not to tell Meiko, he didn't need her, at the moment. Especially since...

"That's okay I guess... will you be coming home later tonight?"

"We'll see..."

That response didn't settle right with Meiko, but would she do. Kaito had been drifting away from her ever since he visited Gakupo's home. She nodded her head and pulled Kiyoteru with her. She was almost to the car when she stopped to stare at Luka.

Could it be...could Kaito really be...

"Meiko, is everything alright?"

"Yes... let's go..."

* * *

"Kaito, you really should have gone with your wife."

Kaito turned to his mother.

"I wanted to stay with yui."

"...Kaito is something going on? Something I should know about?"

Haku said crossing her arms.

She would be damned if she allow Kaito to cheat on his wife...but she wasn't sure that was actually the problem.

Kaito was silent...what did she want him to say?

Cecil walked up to Kaito only to stopped by the fact that he was talking to his mother.

Kaito had seen this and quickly grabbed his arm.

"H-hello...Haku..." he said nervously, hoping she didn't misunderstand.

However, that was shattered when her arms went to her side.

"Um...wait this isn't-"

"Kaito, how long have you been gay?" She asked, grabbed his arm.

"I-"

"Ma'am we're not-"

"Kaito, please answer..."

"Since me and Gakupo dated..."

"You and gakupo..."

Kaito felt like he was going to get hit but instead Haku hugged him.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Wha-"

"I would have loved to hear you and him were together."

Kaito looked up, stunned, "what...you mean..."

"Kaito, before I was a nurse at the school, I lived with my girlfriend, Neru. We were in love but... anyway, I would have been fine with you both."

_Kaito never told his mom out of fear and it turned out he had nothing to fear._

* * *

**Sorry for the lack of updates...**

**The plot is mine and so is Cecil...**


	11. I Want to See You, Again

_Sometimes life continues to throw hardships at you, and tries to break you, but you can't let them destroy you, because they'll win..._

After Haku explained her situation, Kaito explained what he had done. She had told him the same thing Yui told him.

"I was never your fault."

Arriving here, Luka had insisted he go home but Yui and Cecil insisted he sleep in Gakupo's room.

Kaito fell onto Gakupo's bed. He was both exhausted and dizzy. The scent of the sheets made him a lot more drowsy, causing him to slowly drifted away.

* * *

Waking up, Kaito had a headache.

He turned to some pictures neatly stacked on the desk. They were pictures of Gakupo when they were younger. He looked through them, almost bursting into tears.

_How long would he have to suffer for his absence?_

"Gakupo do you still love me?"

"Kaito, are you hungry?" Luka called, which slightly startled him.

"Yeah..."

"Well, hurry, mom, wants to give you something to eat."

* * *

Kaito walked into his house.

Meiko was asleep on the couch, again, probably waiting up for him. He really should stop making her worry.

He sighed and grabbed a piece of her hair and placed it behind her ear.

He thought maybe he should stay with her. She was having his kid.

Still, would he even be a good father or would he mess that up too?

"Kaito..."

He turned to Kiyoteru, who was standing at the bottom of the stairs.

"Kiyo, why are you here?"

"Taking care of your wife...which you should be doing..."

"You're right...I'm sorry...you had to keep doing this."

"What..."

"Meiko...come on...you have to sleep in an actual bed."

"Kaito...you're here..." She said still drowsy.

"Come on..."

He lifted her and carried her to the bedroom.

After laying her down on the bed, he went to talk with Kiyoteru.

"I'm sorry...I've been messed up this few weeks."

"Look, I know you and Gakupo had something..."

"How did you-"

"But you chose Meiko. So, I expect you to treat her, well. Especially, since I gave up a lot more than you know."

Kaito stared at the the brunette.

"What's that..."

"I can't tell you..."

"Why not-"

"But just know, we would have been better off if you had chosen to be with Gakupo," Kiyoteru walked toward the door and stopped in front of it.

"Kiyo, where you-"

Kiyo had opened the door and exited slamming it closed.

_Is Kiyo in love with Meiko?_

* * *

Two month passed and the baby was finally born. Kaito had anxiety just waiting to meet her.

A nurse handed her over to him. She was small and brimming with life. Her hair was dark brown. She had brown eyes. She looked like her mother, almost having nothing from him.

Meiko decided to call her Yuki.

Kaito was excited to care for her.

* * *

Month passed and he was finally happy. Taking care of Yuki was what he needed.

Kiyoteru had decided to make friends him inviting him to a bar.

"Cecil, hey..."

"Ah...I see Mr. Blue finally feels better...though I figured you found a way to cope."

"Ye-yeah..."

"Although Yui misses you..."

"Ah...I should go visit her."

"Well since you look so good...here," Cecil took out a key.

"What's this for?"

"Yui told me to give it to you. It use to be Gakupo's...his house key. Yui said you were like her second son...so she wants you to have it."

The whole time Kaito looked at the key contemplating to take it or not.

"Thanks..." he took it.

"Tell me if you need anything..."

Cecil left to attend another costumer.

Kaito sat staring at the key...a soft reminder of how much he missed Gakupo.

"Hey, Kaito..."

Kiyoteru was standing behind him.

"Kiyo, it's nice to see you."

"Yeah," Kiyoteru said a bit bitter.

"Want to get something to drink?"

"Yeah..."

After ordering drinks, it was awkward between the two. Neither could find the words to speak. They were really not alike.

After Kiyoteru took a lot of drinks, he told Kaito, "Meiko, left me for you...I was suppose to marry her...and even after all that she still slept with me..."

Kaito stared no really shocked, he was very unattentive.

"Kaito, tell me something."

"What do you want-"

"How's it feel to take care of my daughter?"

Kaito stared not sure if to believe a drunken man's words. He was rather angry he was even with Meiko.

"Is everything okay?" Cecil asked.

"Ask Kaito, he's the one raising another man's daughter."

"Cecil, he can't be telling the truth...right?"

"Listen my shifts over, let's talk while we put him in your car."

"Okay..."

* * *

They placed him in the back. He had fallen asleep while they carried him there.

"Cecil..."

"Listen, Kaito...a drunk man's words are usually what they think. You can only find out from your wife," Cecil said, he did know how to clear it up for him.

"Will you come with me?"

"Sure..."

* * *

"Meiko?!"

"Kaito, you're back...how was-"

She stopped as she saw Kiyoteru on the couch and Kaito with Cecil.

"Kaito, what-"

"Meiko...I want to ask you something."

"What-"

"Is Yuki actually mine?"

"What-"

"Answer me," Kaito demanded and he was serious.

"Kaito did Kiyo te-"

"Meiko, stop avoiding the question."

"I...no, she isn't...she's Kiyo's..I'm so sorry I lied to you...but I-"

"Let go of me..." Kaito pulled away as Meiko tried to grab his arm.

"Kaito, please, i-"

"No...do you know what you've done? I could have gone with Gakupo...I only continued the marriage because you said Yuki was mine. I could have...he would still be alive."

"I'm sorry, Kaito...I knew Gakupo's was my only obstacle so i-"

"You knew...you knew...Cecil, let's go."

Meiko just cried as they left, but Kaito couldn't look back at her.

* * *

"Sorry, about Meiko..."

"Yeah, I don't care..."

"You're a liar...you were starting to give all your love to her."

Kaito stopped staring at the snow at his feet.

_How did Cecil always know the situation?_

"Yes..." Kaito had said without thinking.

"Kaito, where are you going to go?"

"I don't know..."

"Come on, I'll take you to Yui's."

Cecil grabbed Kaito's wrist and he pulled him to the car.

* * *

"Yui...you home..." Cecil walked into the house slowly followed by Kaito.

"Luka..."

"No answer guess they're not home."

"You head up...I'll wait for them."

Cecil was worried though. He wasn't sure if it was helping him or if it was making it worse to sleep in Gakupo's room.

"Okay..." Kaito said, slowly making his way to the room.

He felt numb. He felt like if he layed down, he could never get back up. He had truly believed he was Yuki's father.

"Gakupo...are you mad at me?" He whispered to himself, "I wish I could see you can I see you."

_**It's your fault...you killed Gakupo.**_

Kaito quickly sat up and look at the corner of the room to see a small boy. He seemed to be in time out.

"How did you get in here?"

_**You let me in...you can finally hear me.**_

The boy stood up and turned to him. It was a young Kaito with a hole where his heart should be.

"Who-"

**_You know the answer... Why are you asking?_**

"What-"

_**I want you to admit you killed him...admit your the reason he's gone...**_

"I-"

**_ADMIT IT!_**

"I did it..."

**_Why don't you kill yourself than?_**

"I-I'm scared..."

_**Then go ahead and continue to ruin lives.**_

The boy walked to the mirror and jumped in.

Kaito stared and sighed, it was just a hallucination, but it was telling the truth.

* * *

The week rolled on, slowly. Yui and Cecil both told him to file for divorce. Luka avoided him. Haku supported him, as much as possible. Miku told him she would handle his work load. Len and Yuma tried to get a hold of him but he ignored the attempts.

Even with what happened, he still felt the guilt and he was starting to lose his hold on reality. The boy...he always saw...was starting to become more and more real. He was also starting to see glimpses of Gakupo.

**_You're still alive._**

"Yes..." he was starting to get use to the rhythm of the conversation. It was always the thoughts in the back of his head.

_**Nii-san...what are you holding on to?**_

"Nothing..."

_**THEN WHY DON'T YOU DIE ALREADY! YOU'RE JUST TAKING UP SPACE!**_

"I know already! I know. I just..."

_**You what?**_

"I'm scared...I'm just so scared."

_**Of what?**_

"I don't know..."

"Kaito, are you okay?" Luka called.

"Yes, I'm sorry. I had a nightmare."

**_I'm not a nightmare or a dream._**

The boy whispered. Kaito stared at him. He was really offended.

"Is someone in there with you?"

"No..."

"Alright...try to get some sleep."

Kaito could hear her footsteps as she walked back to her room.

The boy sighed and stood to leave.

_**Tell me when you're ready then...**_

"Wait..."

_**What is it...**_

"How do I do it?"

**_Finally realized how tired you really are...or..._**

"I'm not afraid anymore...I haven't been afraid...I just want to see Gakupo, again..."

The boy smiled and pulled out a gun. Kaito backed away.

_**With this...**_

"Where did-"

_**You bought it...don't you remember...come on...**_

The boy walked to him. Kaito backed up hitting the headboard. The boy placed it in his hands.

_**Go the same way he did...Nii-san...**_

"Gakupo, used this...but I..."

_**Numb the pain with this...**_

Kaito stared at the glass bottle. It was alcohol and it was already half-empty.

"I didn't..."

_**No, you found it in the room...Gakupo left it for you...he'll be happy to see you...**_

The boy handed him a picture of Gakupo. It was taken before his suicide.

Kaito's tears began to flow...he tried so hard to be strong but how could he...nothing had gone the way he wanted and the person that could fix it was gone.

"Gakupo..."

**_Go the same way..._**

Kaito sipped it. He hadn't drank since his graduation. He smiles but pain was still there. He began to drink the liquid.

After a while things blurred and Kaito could barely make out the boy.

_**Do you need help...**_

"I..." he nodded his head.

The boy helped put the gun to his head.

**_Go on the rest is up to you..._**

Kaito clenched the picture he held of Gakupo.

_**You'll see him soon...**_

"I'll...see...Gakupo..."

* * *

Luka quickly got up after hearing the shot. In a panic, she ran to her brother's room.

"No...no...no..."

She tried to open the door but it was locked.

"Kaito...Kaito...open the door..."

She knocked on the door.

"Luka!" Her mom had just come home.

"Mom, call 911 and give me the keys to the room," she yelled.

"Luka, what's going on?" She said, handing her the keys and holding the phone to her ear.

"I heard a shot."

"No...not again."

"Got it."

Luka open the successfully opened door. In the room was Kaito on the bed holding tightly to a photo, a bottle on the floor, and a gun at his side.

"No...why..."

Luka didn't want to believe it. She ran to him and tried to get a pulse. There was a slight pulse.

"His still there. Mom tell them to hurry. Don't you die on me, too."

When the ambulance arrived, it was too late Kaito had passed away.

Luka and Yui were in tears.

_That was the final straw for him..._

* * *

**I wanted to milk it but I ran out of fillers...all wellT-T**

**Sorry if it doesn't make sense... this how it is when I get depressed...**

**I'm think I'll put one more chapter up...you know epilogue...**

**Like always...I only own the plot and Cecil.**


End file.
